Letter to my 20′s me,
Concerning General Life: Thanks for taking risks. I know it feels like running away from the issues you were having, but you can feel safe knowing that those speeding tickets will be waiting for your return. Also: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN when driving. You might avoid jail-time this way, along with more speeding tickets. Also… you really are not a bad person. You don’t have to try so hard to prove to yourself that you are a normal and okay person. Look away from yourself and see the world, not just how you should respond to the world. Stop being so self-doubting. You -do- have qualities that you should be proud of, but you will have to find them as they grow.
Concerning Romance: Understand, your confusion on this does NOT come from having a brick wall around your heart, but having a heart that has not yet truly felt love, and has no idea how to receive romance from others. Not every guy wants you just for sex, unless you encourage those particular sort of guys to think so, and sleeping with those guys shouldn’t boost your ego. As for the guys in “friend zones,” let yourself be open to the idea of a relationship with them. You enjoy cuddling with them, good. You don’t have to have sex to be in a relationship, but you should not ignore the possibility of it, either. It is good to be open to a relationship with a female as well, but you treat that just like you would a relationship with a guy, “friends first!” Always communicate your actual feelings to prevent hurting yourself and others. Don’t let small annoyances drive away your interest in someone. You have some rather annoying things about yourself that they probably overlook, remember people do NOT see you exactly as you think they do.
That being said, never never let your significant other make you guilty for spending time with other friends. This -will- devastate you later in life, leaving you rather lonely.
Concerning Friends: Stop pushing people away. Let people get close to you. Let yourself have people you can trust, in person. Remember our saying? It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? That applies to your friends as well. Always reach out to have a friend in real life. Your online friends are fantastic, but they can’t hold you when you need it, they can’t go on spontaneous drives through the country roads with you. They can’t drive you around while your car is being repaired, and most of all, the hugs. You know how much you love hugs. Life is lonely without friends that you can actually hug.
Concerning Family: Visit your grandparents. Swallow your guilt and pride and just visit. They love you. They supported you. It is easier on -you- to not visit them, however it makes them sad to only hear about you. They will be gone from your life and you will wish you spent more time with them. Communicate with your brothers. They will be around as long as you are, at the very least. Do not ever stop talking with them. Call mom and dad once a week, please. They don’t have to know all details of your life, just hear your voice. Set a time and stick to it to call them.
Lastly, I mentioned family last so that it remains in your mind. Of all other things in life, only your family will remain constant. You will be a part of that stability if you try. Stick together through everything. Love your family by showing them that love. Don’t forget to love yourself, while you are at it.
Finally, slow the fuck down while driving, seriously.
Shelby Daniel was one of the very first people I met online through our mutual love of books. She claims to be a boring 30-something woman who lives in the northern tip of Idaho with two cats and works from home providing customer service over the phone for whatever company has hired her for the time. She plays video games and enjoys anime, and once in a while gets the idea that she wants to code. She also loves to write short stories in collaboration with one or other two people at a time, which is her creative outlet. She has wrecked a few cars in her time due to her right foot having the deformation of being made out of lead. With some therapy it seems to be doing better, however. She tweets at @Velvetyone.
